YIKES!

So here we are, six days until my first half marathon. Yes, I said half marathon...that's 13.1 miles. Have I said it yet? YIKES! I'm just a touch freaked out about it, here's why.

I'm my own worst nightmare. I know I should be able to do it, but don't know if I'll be able to do it. I'm afraid I'll hurt myself this week. I'm not sure how to train this week. I'm not sure if I'll be able to cross the finish line. I'm feeling guilty for making event people sit there and wait, and wait, and wait... It's 13.1 miles.

In the back of my mind, I'm hearing people's comments about seeing me "cross 12 hours later. You're just jogging, you're not running. You can't run, you shouldn't run". I'm also hearing my own voices psyching me out..."you can't do this. Why are you even doing this? You're muscles are sore. You're TOO FAT! You'll never be able to do this. You're just jogging, you're not running. It's 13.1 miles."

It's hard to ignore those voices, because they're negative. The negative voices are the loudest. They scream, they're so loud. They're the sudden thunder clap, the engine backfire, the pesky mosquito in your ear. They're annoying and distracting.

There's also the weak, shy, background voices trying to be heard. They're the flute section TRYING to drown out the whole orchestra. These voices are the encouragement from your friends, the new sense of pride that you're not sure how to embrace. "Look how far you've come. You've lost 100 pounds. Six months ago you were running 1 mile with breaks. I'm proud of you to the point of jealousy. I could never do it. You may be slower, but at least you're out there moving. I'm a believer. I'm running 13.1 miles."

It's all fear. Earlier this week I posted a quote on Facebook about fear that I got from The Couch to 5k Running Plan website (that I follow).

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” -Sven Goran Eriksson

I believe in this quote, but that doesn't mean I don't have the same problem. I totally bar my success because of fear. I do that in every dimension of my life, and it's not cool. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It happens to everyone, whether they choose to admit it or not.

This Sunday I'm running a half marathon. Yes, I said it, a half marathon. That's 13.1 miles. I'll be listening to the flute section in my head, but I still have to say...

YIKES!