I'm Short Too

I've been reminded repeatedly in the past two weeks from some of the BEST people in the world that:

I'm at that age when...

At our age...

As we get older...

OK...I'm 41. I'm old. I get it.

Here's another shocker. I'm vertically challenged. 
WHAT????????????? REALLY????????????? OMG, I HAD NO FREAKIN' IDEA!

So I'm working today, right, and I ask this guy where all the events are happening...and if "so n so" is over there.

"Yeah, she's over there, she's about your height (putting his hand chest high...dude's tall(er) than I am)...wait, I just called you short...I didn't mean to call you short...I meant "PETITE"..."

mmm-hmmm...

Now I'm old, and, evidently, I'm short too. WINNER! Great...here comes the hump in my back...that'll REALLY win over the guys now! I will shortly reach TROLL status...just give me some orange, spikey hair and the ensemble will be complete.

Thanks dude...and as much as I was laughing at the fact that you were apologetic about the whole ordeal, I know what you meant.

I do prefer "PETITE" though.

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

ps...No Zumba or running today...:( but I do have Zumba tomorrow and a 5k on Monday. :)

Age Ain't Nothin But A Number

Ya know, we're getting to that age now...sigh.

At our age...sigh.

As we get older...sigh.

DID YOU JUST CALL ME MA'AM?


SIGH!


Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

Change of Scenery

We all need a change of scenery once in a while. It's funny how something as simple as this changes your perspective, if only for a moment.

Today, I changed my route on my street run. I don't know why, but I thought, what the hell? Now, being the very shy, "don't watch me run" person that I am, I usually stick to the neighborhood streets...except for a couple more highly driven streets on my route, or I go to the track at the Y. Today was different.

I ran past the BEAUTIFUL Victorian house on the corner with the perfectly trimmed lawn, gorgeous flowers, perfect, pristinely kept grounds, but still wondering if anyone lives there...funny. i've lived her for nearly six years and never known the answer to that question.

So as I trek through new neighborhoods, avoiding any hills, which I totally shouldn't because I HAVE to start hill training, I get to the hospital. Don't worry folks...just passing by, not checking myself in.

One of the entrancees to the hospital is on second avenue. Probably the HIGHEST traveled street here in town. Ok, time for a decision. I HATE decisions. Do I cut through the parking lot, or do I go to the main street exit and run the sidewalks down 2nd Ave? I also hate running sidewalks...they're too constricting. That would add distance, but that would also expose me to DOZENS of cars driving up and down 2nd Ave. OK, deep breath...go for distance.

So I ran down 2nd Ave for about 4 blocks, showing everyone (who probably wasn't paying attention in the first place, anyway), how slow I am, making everyone watch this terribly overweight person struggling to go the next few steps in front of me. I've finally had it. I had to turn down a side street to A...avoid the sidewalks, and B...quit making myself a spectacle to all those drivers.

Yes, a spectacle. I can't help but feel that way, but as much as I feel like that, I'm also kinda glad that I took that route. Maybe nobody WAS paying attention to me. Maybe, as I do more runs, I am becoming more comfortable with getting out there and showing the world that I can actually run, that I am a runner, and that I'm an athlete. I'll have to work on all this in my head.

Regardless, it was a good run, except for stopping 3 times for traffic, watching some stupid driver texting while holding a cigarette WHILE DRIVING...and picking up a dime on the street...oh, that's a good thing....hey, never pass up an opportunity, right?

I got in a Zumba class, and ran two miles afterwards today. That makes it a good day! I may even keep the route I ran today. Am I getting more confident?

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

PS...July race found! Thank you Shelton for offering a 5k on July 4th! Now, all's I need is one for August and I'll have a race every month until November! ROCK ON!

YAY!

"It's a new dawn, a new day, and I'm feeling good!" Jennifer Hudson Rocks! Period.

I love that song! So what if it's off a Weight Watcher's commercial...I really don't care, it's an awesome song, and today, I'm feeling good!

The highlights of my weekend were my first 5k for Community Olympics, and realizing that I've done four races in three months, starting with a 2 mile run in April, a 10k in May, a half marathon and a 5k, both in June. I'm still extremely slow, but I'm also taking ownership in the fact that in January I could BARELY run 1 mile without stopping.

I'm also glad to report that the 5k went off relatively without a hitch. The only exception was that I forgot to start my new stupid, cheap pedo watch until about 4 blocks into the race...but that really didn't matter to me. This was a new race, and whatever mental drama I had during the half marathon two weeks ago, I wasn't going to pay attention to or have on Saturday.

Oh sure, I kept seeing walkers pass me by, but in the last couple blocks or so, I kicked it into gear, passed up a few of the walkers that had passed me, and finished strong, which also helped improve my time. YAY!

I learned a couple things on Saturday too. A...Grapes are a refreshing post-race treat (especially the RED ones), B...Powerade fruit punch is ACTUALLY good, C...I really CAN improve my run time, and D...Community Olympics is just a lot of fun, and I hope I can do more to participate in future games.

So we're entering July. I don't have any races scheduled for July. That has to change...and quick!

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or walking it, I'll cross the finish line!

Carb Loading

I'm carb loading for my Community Olympics 5k tomorrow morning. Let's hope my beanies n weanies don't do a number on me in six hours...that would NOT be good!

So let's sing a song..."Beans, Beans The Magical Fruit! The more you eat the more you TOOT!"

Hmmm...perhaps I chose the wrong carb...

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

Turf Toe? REALLY????

So, is it Turf Toe or Runner's Toe? Ooh, Runner's Toe sounds sexier...I'll go with that one.

My right toenail on my market toe is sick. How does one sprain a toenail by running a half marathon, anyway? UGH! I thought it was getting better, but after today's 4 mile run, it let me know it was still mad at me...

STUPID BIG MARKET TOE!

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

Moving On

It's post half marathon "recovery" week here at my house, and I have to say, it's good to be back on the run. My runs have been short though. Yesterday I went to the Y and was in the middle of my first mile, when I started a conversation with someone who was chasing after her grandson on the track. That gave me a good excuse to walk for a while. I was running without a stupid, cheap, pedo watch too, which gave me another excuse to walk for a while. I know this is sort of lacking in motivation, but hey, it happens to the best of us. Trust me...the motivation is STILL there, because I'm NOT going stop progressing. I can't. I REFUSE!

Today was chore and errand day, so I postponed my run until this evening. Besides, the wind was blowing at gale forces (ok, not so much gale force...30-40mph), so another reason to postpone until the evening. Thankfully, Ma Nature's meds kicked in, and my one mile street run went off without a hitch, except for getting yelled at by a dachschund, passing a dead, squished garter snake on the street, watching a tabby cat watch me run past it, seeing a bunny bound through the neighbor's lawn, and smelling all the beautiful flowers that are in full bloom.

I ran with a watch, but without a stupid, cheap pedo watch, and enjoyed the run. Then off to another KILLER hour long Zumba class, then off to Wallyworld to look for a NEW stupid, cheap pedo watch. UGH! They're NOT so cheap, Groan...Relax. Deep Breath...I need one.

So I bit the bullet. I'm moving on. It's time to stop thinking about my first half marathon and focus on what lies ahead. I have a 5k this Saturday, and I have other races in my future. I now have a new, stupid, cheap pedo watch that I'll be sporting tomorrow, which will help me in my new training.

Don't worry, I can still enjoy my runs with my stupid, cheap pedo watch, and will continue moving on.

Tomorrow's training...Zumba, run, weights, work. Sounds like a FABU time to me!

Zumbarunner...whether shaking it or running it, I will cross the finish line.

Back On Track (Mostly)

It's been a week and two days since I've done my half marathon. It's also been a week and two days since running, period. Running 13.1 miles is brutal to a "newbie" runner. My legs hurt so bad the next day I could barely move, and doing squats in Zumba on day 2 of post-race recovery didn't feel too good either...thanks, Prof! :) It did help stretch my quads though, and as the week went on, all my pain went away. The itch to run again, though, did not.

I never thought it (running) would affect me that much. I had been hearing from other people to give my legs a break during post hm week, so I did. Then, my stupid, cheap pedo watch died. Stupid, cheap, pedo watch. Then on Sunday, while on a work-related road trip, I got stranded due to severe weather and had to stay overnight. Then yesterday, on the way back from same work-related road trip, I again got caught up in severe weather, and had to kick work into overdrive. 

Finally, today I made it back to the track at the Y, but not before a HUGE distraction...finding a NEW stupid, cheap pedo watch. Walgreens, nope. Mall, nope. Sporting goods store, nope. Bike/fitness shop, POSSIBILTY! UGH! How can I run without a stupid, cheap pedo watch?????? How can I track my distance, my time, my steps? I stopped counting laps a long time ago, because I lose count. One lap, two laps, three laps...wait, did I just do three laps? Is this lap four coming up, am I doing lap four, or was that lap four and I'm now on five? UGH!

"Just run," says a friend of mine. "I run without a watch, I just run because I love it." Huh...but how can you measure distance, time, steps by doing that? Maybe my stupid, cheap pedo watch is a crutch. My ability to count blocks during street runs is as pathetic as my ability to count laps on the track at the Y. 

This week off from running has also helped me get my head back into the game. That half marathon kicked me in the bootah mentally, physically, and emotionally. It's given me the chance to reflect on it, focus on what I did wrong, what I did right, what I could improve, and how to make myself get ready for future races, including my 5k Olympiad during our Community Olympics this Saturday.

"I run because I love it." Does that really apply to me?  I know I'm running because I now KNOW I can do it, that I've proven people wrong (including myself) who said I can't/shouldn't do it. I know I'm running because I'm afraid if I stop I'll never start doing it again. I'm running because I enjoy it more all the time. I'm running because I enjoy the community. I'm running because I'm now an athlete. I'm running...because I love it. Huh...whudathunkit?

I made it to the track at the Y today and ran without a stupid, cheap pedo watch. I didn't go too far, but I made it back to the track at the Y, regardless.

Oh, in the meantime, I'm still looking for a stupid, cheap pedo watch...sigh.

Zumbarunner...whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!

HOME AT LAST!

It's been a looooooooooooooooooooooooong couple days of driving, endless severe weather, and everything in between.

This is my post tonight. Sorry to disappoint.

Zumbarunner, signing off...for now.

Stupid, Cheap Pedo Watch

My stupid, cheap pedometer watch has finally bit the dust, again, and for real this time. Yeah, it's taken "the trip" a couple times already, but watching it die a slow death today, it was really apparent that it's time for a new one. I really hated this watch, but somehow, I'm sad to see it go.

This was my first pedo watch I got last year when I was starting to transition from Zumba, to Zumba plus walking, to Zumba plus running. The watch didn't work right. It kept saying that I only burned 250 calories in Zumba, the SAME amount of calories while doing a slow walk. REALLY? I shake it WAY harder than that, but it read the same thing when my instructor...a whole 2 PEOPLE smaller than myself (1 person smaller now) *SMILE*, wore it during class. Totally off the charts inaccurate calorie count for her.

Stupid, cheap pedo watch.

I always counted on it for laps, mileage, and time though. It's helped me track a whole bunch of miles on the track at the Y and on the street (running, folks! Sheesh!), and even though I never really relied on the calorie counter, showed me how many calories I've burned in the past year, and been my guide on about half of my 50 pound weightloss journey. It's also quit on me 1/4 of the way into my 10k in May, and kept showing my heart rate instead of mileage or time during my half marathon last Sunday.

Stupid, cheap pedo watch.

Now it's time for a new stupid, cheap pedo watch; time for a change. I'm NOT a huge fan of change. Change is REALLY uncomfortable for me. It makes me nervous. I always see the negative side of change, and people really have to beat me about the head and shoulders to make me realize that good things come from change. This is another subject for another day, so to be continued.

In the meantime, I'll be buying a NEW stupid, cheap pedo watch to track even more miles at the Y, on the street (again, RUNNING!), on race days, and in life...hoping to track another year of success in my journey.

So long stupid, cheap pedo watch. It's been eventful, it's been a trip. It's been good to know ya.

Zumbarunner...whether shakin' it or runnin' it, I'll cross the finish line.

Crowns and Calcium

There's an old saying that bad things happen in threes. Unfortunately, for the most part, it's true. Take yesterday, for instance. One of my stories fell through, I got caught in the rain, and I lost part of my tooth while chewing gum. GUM! I'm NOT a gumchewer, but I was tired and needed to stay awake on the trip home. FANTASTIC! Not ONLY was it 1am, but 1am on a Friday. My dentist is closed on Fridays.

Try finding a dentist that's open on Fridays and see how YOU fare. It's like needing a haircut on Monday, and all the salons are closed. So I finally found a dentist that's open on Friday, and in the middle of him looking at my tooth, proceeds to tell me that he USED to be closed on Fridays, but always had to come in on that day anyway. I'm glad he changed his routine. He then informed me that I needed a crown. UGH! Can anyone sell me a house so I can have collateral for my million dollar loan I'll need to pay it off? I'm quite attached to my limbs, however since breaking my left collarbone and right ankle in my car accident 10 years ago, they have both become a bit easier to detach.

Ok, one medical issue down, one to go, same day. I've also had an issue with my eyes, but after a sharp pain shot through my right eye today, it was time for action. I rely on my eyes for my job. I'm a photographer, it's my passion, and it's my job.

I was able to get in to my eye doctor right away, and was reminded of bad calcium deposits on my eyes. You know it's serious when your top eyelid gets flipped up and she says, "let me get the needle." YAY...NOT! Having your eyeballs scraped is NOT on the top of my list of fun things to do. And so it goes. A diagnosis of SEVERE dry eyes and calcium deposits and a new Restasis prescription later, I've done HAD IT with doctors today. Oh, by the way, I'll be selling my hair to pay for the Restasis prescription.

And you thought I was going to talk about the royal family and milk. Sorry. Got Milk?

Facing Demons

It's summer! Time for pools, swimming suits, flip flops...and all the bad memories that come with all that summer has to offer.

My nieces are visiting grandma and papa this week, and one of the activities is, of course, swimming lessons. Now this is all fine and good, but it's at the same pool where I used to go as a kid, most summers until the fifth grade.

I was always the fat kid, my whole life. Even as a fat kid you want to do the same things everyone else does, especially going to the pool. That ended for me the summer after fifth grade I was walking along the side of the pool when someone pointed and laughed at me because I was fat. That was close to 30 years ago. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been to ANY pool since then. I used to love swimming. I even raised the most money for a "Swim for Heart" fundraiser when I was a kid.

Yesterday, I helped take my nieces to the same pool. Even now that I'm 30 years older, I've lost 100 pounds, can now run 13 miles, have somewhat of a figure now, I could still see the pointing and hear the laughter, the voice of childhood barbs lashing out at me. I heard them before leaving the house, but they were also distinct while walking alongside the pool.

I heard the voices, but now knew that I was there in a different capacity; to spend time with my nieces, and while I'm still fighting image demons, spending time with my nieces at the pool is way more important.

The voices are still in my head, and may still keep me from hitting the pool, but at least for one day, they were silenced a bit.

That One Song

There are some songs you can listen to over and over again and not be tired of them. My list of these songs is so long that my computer will crash before I get the first 100 listed. Then, there's that one...it just grates on your nerves like fingernails down a chalkboard HATE THEM songs. I have several of those too.

I have heard this particular one (like most on my "bad" list) so many times that I have to change the radio station immediately. It's like a 21st Century "Name That Tune" game show, except   Kathie Lee has been kicked out of the hummer's spot by Lady Gaga.

But here lies the problem. This song is so ANNOYINGLY catchy, that I find myself having to listen just a bit before changing the station or shutting off the radio entirely, yet today, this song is so fitting to my mood I have to embrace it.

"TODAY I DON'T FEEL LIKE DOING ANYTHING" whistle, whistle. It's "The Lazy Song", which, by the way, this first sentence is the only thing I relate to.

Not that I'm lazy by any means...I'm just tired. Isn't it ok to have a lazy day? Some would say no. I, 99% of the time, would say no, but not today. It's not like I've had any harder week or day, or month, than anyone else, but I'm just plain TIRED!

So I ran my first half marathon on Sunday, so what? So I worked the next day, so what? So I can still hardly move after all that, so what? So Sunday was both physically AND mentally draining on me, so what? Today is my lazy day, my "decompression" day, my relaxation day. We all need those days, deserve those days, and today is my day.

Tomorrow's song will be different. I'm hoping Jennifer Hudson different or Bon Jovi different; hell, maybe even Karen Carpenter different, but for right now...I'm whistling.

Four Hours Later...

OUCH! I'm STILL sore after my half marathon yesterday, but life goes on.

Yesterday went a little different than I expected, but in the end, the whole day was good. After a late race start (thanks Ma Nature...NOT!!!!), I started out on my 13.1 mile jaunt...just a walk in the park (for some).

I was totally last, which doesn't really surprise me anymore, and I could see two walkers about a half mile in front of me. Great, I could at least see them walk the course that was laid out in front of me. That ended about mile 2. I should know the course, right? I mean it's only our hike/bike trail...what's so hard about that? Answer...it's only the 2nd time I've been on it.

I again saw runners coming back towards me, and got a lot of "atta girls", thumbs up, "keep goings", and high fives from EXPERIENCED runners. They've been doing this a hell of a lot longer than I have. You don't know how good that makes you feel when you hear that, knowing you're the last person out there, and them knowing you're the last person out there, trying your best to accomplish something.

The first 6.5 miles were great! I had my ZUMBARUNNER tshirt on, my ZUMBARUNNER MIX playing on my phone (oh, thanks for playing Maghalena at least 8 times during my run, Fuego was at least 6, and Miss Fatty about 4), and the flute section resounding over the orchestra (see previous post about that one...), and I was feeling good...confident I could run the whole distance. Miles 7 through 13.1 proved not so much.

After an error in route judgement...all this work, all of my "training", completely went out the window, and my confidence sank. The orchestra kicked in, all my negative thoughts came to the forefront and there I was, discouraged, depleated, defeated. I still kept going, although not as strong as the first half. It's also hard when you know you're the only one out there. I started getting slower, getting a few short bursts of energy when certain songs came up on my playlist, but I was still discouraged, depleated, defeated. Adding insult to psychological injury, I tripped on a curb, but kept upright after a little flailing, of course. 

Fast forward (if that even applies to me) to mile 12. I had had it. I could barely run, I was in pain  both mentally and physically, and was done. I HAD TO WALK. That was just as hard on me mentally, because I was so determined to RUN the whole race. My goal time was completely thrown out the window. So here I am, walking the last mile, my head down, knowing the two volunteers were behind me in the golf cart making the slowest drive of their lives. I tried to pick it up and run a little bit, but the three "d's" kept taking over.

At last, I saw the finish point. Oh, Thank God, the finish point. All of a sudden I see a friend walking up to me to walk me in for the last half mile. How cool is that?  As we walked closer to the finish point, I saw other race volunteers at the gate and knew that I had to run in the last part over the finish line. My friend was fine with that, so he let me go, and I crossed the finish line to see my parents, another friend, race officials and volunteers cheering me on to cross, and getting hugs and flowers at the end, after 4 hours and 9 minutes. I even did a little "Beto" move after crossing. Zumba lovers, you'll know what I'm referring to. :)

So it was a grueling day (to say the least), and the mixture of emotions still lingers on. In the end, though, I know I have support from friends and family, I have friends who will give me a swift kick in the ass to make me see my accomplishments, (you know who you are, and THANK YOU), and I have the determination to keep going. The fight's not over yet.

Now, does anyone have a cane I can borrow? OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

sleep tonight...

T-Minus 8 Hours and Counting

Ok, now it's 7 1/2 hours until my half marathon. I have way too many things to do, and ZERO time to do them, include carb load, clean house, do laundry...UGH!

I'm up for the challenge though. I'm ready to run! I hope this "Rest" week proved beneficial.

I'm going through my mental checklist, and I think I'll rewatch the marathon documentary I dvr'd the other day.

Tomorrow, I'll be running the Buffalo Stampede half marathon. That's 13.1 miles. I'm a zumbarunner, I'm an ATHLETE!

ZUMBARUNNER...WHETHER SHAKING IT OR RUNNING IT, I'LL CROSS THE FINISH LINE!

Food

UGH!

My love/hate relationship with food is never ending. 'Nuff said. Next subject please!

Poor Little Squirrel

CoolRunning
“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” - Tom Krause:

It's officially 2 days before race day. On Sunday, June 12th, I'll be running a half marathon...that's 13.1 miles. There's no explaining this, but I think I'm fine with it, that I'm not anxious...or am I?

I'm somehow thinking "I'm ready, bring it on". Is this normal to think? I mean, this is a huge accomplishment for me. It's the farthest I've run...EVER! Then, I'm stuck with an image in my head.

I did a street run the other day. It was just a mile, (ha ha, "just" a mile). One of my friends reminds me that it wasn't so long ago I called her and said "I RAN A BLOCK!" As I was running, I passed a dead squirrel in the street. It was just sprawled out like dead squirrels do. I ALMOST stopped to take a picture of him with my phone, but I didn't, because A), it's morbid, B), I didn't want to stop, and C), I knew some of you petite flowers wouldn't appreciate seeing a photo of a dead squirrel on my blog. I can't figure out why...(yes, I do have a heart...lol...).

I giggled to myself, thought of the poor dead squirrel, and immediately thought "that's what I'm going to look like after I get done on Sunday." Now I wish I would have taken a picture of the dead squirrel...I wonder if he's still stuck there....(oops, did I say that out loud?)

This roadkill reminder is still in my head, 2 days before my race. What will happen on race day? There's sooooooooo many things that could happen, that it's hard to even comprehend. The biggest one though, is courage. It takes a lot of courage to start something, but even more courage to finish it.

I follow this website on Facebook called Cool Running. Their quote for today makes perfect sense, especially today.


CoolRunning
“Courage is the discovery that you may not win, and trying when you know you can lose.” - Tom Krause:
I'm running a half marathon in 2 days. That's 13.1 miles. I may come in dead last, I will NOT be the first one to finish, but I'm doing it because I'm a Zumbarunner...I'm an ATHLETE.

Motivation Part Deux

I just had the one of the BEST days today(ok, on June 8th since it's technically June 9th now), and if ever there was a time when I needed that extra kick in the bootah for my half marathon on Sunday, today was it. Allow me to explain.

Last year a friend of mine (you know who you are, and thank you again), shared a youtube video with me about a guy who lost a bunch of weight by running. His name is Ben Davis. He started running at his highest weight I think a couple years ago @ 360lbs. He and his brother just started running, doing 5k's, 10k's, hm's. Then his dad started in and they all did the Denver marathon together, and have been running together ever since. Ben is now an ironman, and is training for his second one. He has lost about 150lbs on his journey in 2 years. Talk about motivation!

Ok, so I saw this video last year, and it always kind of stuck in my brain that this guy could do this. I came across his video again a couple months or so ago, and was so inspired by his story. You all know how it is...you watch it once and think "cool, good for him", but when it comes across again after so much time, you pay more attention. It was a sign. I believe in signs.

I had the privelege of meeting Ben in Lincoln tonight. He spoke for the Lincoln Running Club, in front of about 400 people. I have to tell you, I got a bit choked up when I actually SPOKE with him, and when he showed the same video in person. I can't express how motivating this guy is, unless you hear his story FROM him.

One of the things he said is make the weightloss (or whatever you're running for) the BYPRODUCT, not the FOCUS of what you're running or exercising for. Ben said he finally figured out it wasn't about him, but about regaining a relationship with his brother and father. I am gaining new lifelong friendships, and a better sense of self. You can't beat that at all.

Ben's inspiration, along with everyone's encouragement will help push me forward 13.1 miles on Sunday. It will all be the flute section that will DEFINITELY drown out the rest of the orchestra.

http://www.bendoeslife.com/

  

Resting and Training

Resting...really? What does that even mean? I'm constantly on the go with work, life, running, zumba classes. TRAINING...UGH!

All this time I've been telling myself (and everyone else), that I'm just running, not really training for anything. I've just been pushing myself for no particular reason, right? Denial. Nope, I'm not training at all. I'm not in denial. Denying denial.

I guess I never really thought about all this work as being training, because I'm not an athlete. I've never, ever been considered an athlete, but I've always wanted to be. Everyone in High School knew that, at least I think they did, anyway. Oh well, thanks to health circumstances beyond my control, and backward thinking from other individuals in the process, I wasn't able to compete in anything at all.

Fast forward about 20 some odd years, things are changing. I've been on this weightloss journey, struggling to reach "goal weight", struggling to break that 3 month plateau (ugh!), finding Zumba, starting to run...running farther, not faster mind you (not by much), but farther. I'm not an athlete, they make it seem so effortless. I'm not an athlete.

At first I was just running to prove people wrong, that I could actually do it. I was just running. Things change though. Once you start running in races or events, you become part of a community. You don't hardly know anyone else in the community, but you're embraced in the community. You start becoming an "athlete".

I found that out when I ran my 10k a couple weeks ago. Was I the slowest? YES! Was I running my own race? DEFINITELY! Did I get passed up by EVERYONE out there (even walkers)? ABSOLUTELY! Was it embarrassing? Yes, BUT, here's the thing. NO MATTER HOW FAST OR HOW SLOW, YOU'RE ENCOURAGED ON! What an amazing experience to get fist bumps and high fives  and 'ATTAGIRLS' from runners you've never met who are on their way back while you're still on your way there.

I (and everyone else) also find that in Zumba classes. It doesn't matter how coordinated you are or not. That feeling of community and the positive vibes that exude, it's exhiliarating to know that you're a part of a group who are so welcoming.

So, now I'm an athlete, and in training, training for a half marathon on Sunday. The resting is part of the training, and I have to say, it's weird to NOT be killing myself off this week. I'm not allowed to run far this week (only a couple miles at most). THANK GOD I can still do Zumba, but I'm used to doing an hour long Zumba class THEN run, or the other way around. UGH! I'm trying to find things to fill my time (ok, procrastinating), and not over do it this week.

I'm in training, because I'm now a ZUMBARUNNER...AN ATHLETE!

YIKES!

So here we are, six days until my first half marathon. Yes, I said half marathon...that's 13.1 miles. Have I said it yet? YIKES! I'm just a touch freaked out about it, here's why.

I'm my own worst nightmare. I know I should be able to do it, but don't know if I'll be able to do it. I'm afraid I'll hurt myself this week. I'm not sure how to train this week. I'm not sure if I'll be able to cross the finish line. I'm feeling guilty for making event people sit there and wait, and wait, and wait... It's 13.1 miles.

In the back of my mind, I'm hearing people's comments about seeing me "cross 12 hours later. You're just jogging, you're not running. You can't run, you shouldn't run". I'm also hearing my own voices psyching me out..."you can't do this. Why are you even doing this? You're muscles are sore. You're TOO FAT! You'll never be able to do this. You're just jogging, you're not running. It's 13.1 miles."

It's hard to ignore those voices, because they're negative. The negative voices are the loudest. They scream, they're so loud. They're the sudden thunder clap, the engine backfire, the pesky mosquito in your ear. They're annoying and distracting.

There's also the weak, shy, background voices trying to be heard. They're the flute section TRYING to drown out the whole orchestra. These voices are the encouragement from your friends, the new sense of pride that you're not sure how to embrace. "Look how far you've come. You've lost 100 pounds. Six months ago you were running 1 mile with breaks. I'm proud of you to the point of jealousy. I could never do it. You may be slower, but at least you're out there moving. I'm a believer. I'm running 13.1 miles."

It's all fear. Earlier this week I posted a quote on Facebook about fear that I got from The Couch to 5k Running Plan website (that I follow).

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.” -Sven Goran Eriksson

I believe in this quote, but that doesn't mean I don't have the same problem. I totally bar my success because of fear. I do that in every dimension of my life, and it's not cool. I know I'm not the only one who does this. It happens to everyone, whether they choose to admit it or not.

This Sunday I'm running a half marathon. Yes, I said it, a half marathon. That's 13.1 miles. I'll be listening to the flute section in my head, but I still have to say...

YIKES!

Freaking Out

Ok, this will be short but sweet.

OMG, MY HALF MARATHON IS IN SIX DAYS! YIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIKES!

Dodging Bullets

I have run in two races this year. A 2 mile in April, and a 10k in May. On June 12, I will be running a Half marathon. Why the half marathon? My evil twin forced me to. Anyway, you would think I would know all the rules for running etiquette. Not True. There's a learning curve. You would also think that I would know enough to get COMPLETELY out of the way. I now know NOT to be in the front of the pack. As the whistle blows, I am suddenly reminded that I am in the wrong spot! Can we say DODGING BULLETS?

OOPS! SO SORRY FAST RUNNERS! Note to self...never underestimate the determination of a runner!

This can also transcend into dodging bullets in my weightloss journey, whether it's that extra piece of pie, that pop at the movies, or the trip to Dairy Queen for the chocolate extreme blizzard with chocolate ice cream and double fudge cookie dough.

Sometimes it's hard to dodge the "temptation" bullet, if you do, FABU! You're one step closer to achieving your goal. If you don't, you'll have to work a little extra hard, but you can still achieve your goal.

Motivation Part 1

Motivation...that's kind of an ominous word if you really think about it. What really MOTIVATES you? What keeps you going? What makes you tick?

What makes me keep running, keep going to Zumba classes, keep me inspired? It's a lot of different things all rolled up into one, too many to list right now, but here's the top of the list...MY FRIENDS! Seriously, it's all of you who make me dig deep and make me want to do better. Those of you who have known me forever have always heard me say I'd do anything for my friends. My friends are like my family. I'm the protector. I don't care about myself, AT ALL. It's my family and friends that I would sacrifice for. Y'all are my reason for living, period.

It's all of you who keep pushing me to try something different, help pick me up when I focus on the negative, and y'all know I'm VERY GOOD at focusing on the negative. No matter if we've known each other since childhood, since college (part 1), since the start of my fitness journey...y'all are the key for my success, the reason I'm deciding to do this journey FOR MYSELF!

There's a song we used to sing in Girl Scouts:
"Make New Friends, But Keep the Old, One Is Silver, The Other Gold"

I think of that song all the time, because it's so fitting. 

100 Pounds Lost

It's been a long journey, something which I should have been journaling for a while, but thanks to some urging from friends (you know who you are...lol, btw, thank you), I am now attempting to chronicle (blogging) the next phase of my journey. It is, after all, the 21st Century. Sooooo, here we go!

It's finally happened! I've lost 100 pounds! Sure, it took me six years to do it, but it's done! Even if today's the only day the scale hits this number, 178, it's a great day!

My journey to weightloss started in 2005, when i finally recognized how big (fat) I was. My journey to transformation is a novel that will never be finished, but let's start in 2001, after my car accident. That's when I was forced to leave my job and my life in Myrtle Beach, move back in with the folks here in Nebraska (thanks for taking care of me), and starting 2 1/2 years of physical therapy for a broken left collarbone and a broken right ankle.
Mom's cooking and being unable to get around kinda packs on the pounds. When I left Myrtle Beach, I was in the 230's. Four years later, I was up to 278, and up to a size 28 jean.

It's disheartening when you can wear the same size clothing as your dad, but when I saw my 2005 college graduation picture, I knew something had to change. I finished school, went back to work, and SLOWLY started getting my act in gear.

Sure it's been a long haul. You see Biggest Loser contestants losing 100lbs in 6 weeks on the ranch and think "ugh, this is taking 6 years," but after 6 years of working, no more pop(soda), finding a workout I LOVE,(ZUMBA, BABY!), running, and having the BEST SUPPORT SYSTEM IN THE UNIVERSE, I'm now down to a size 16 jean, have more energy, can do my job better, and am about to run a half marathon...13.1 miles for those of you who weren't sure.

I'd be remiss if I didn't talk about the FITNESS JOURNEY! This part started in January of 2010 after a series of events...A), hitting the big 4-0, B), loss of a childhood friend, C), getting over a guy, stuff like that. Particularly, though, I was having MAJOR cramps in my hamstrings, and could barely function. At this point I'm down to 238. My doc suggested physical therapy again, but I really wasn't for that. I had some Jillian Michaels dvd's that were collecting 3 years of dust, and finally put one in my dvd player. Jillian doesn't mess around, but her ability to MAKE YOU WANT TO DO BETTER is what's really key. Shortly after, I saw a Zumba demonstration at the mall. I had to cover the event for work(tv news photographer), but all I wanted to do was join in instead (sorry co-workers). A month later, in February, I started going to Zumba classes, and was HOOKED!  You don't know how much fun it is to do unless you do it. And hey, guess what, it helps you lose weight, too! I also started running, because my first pt told me not to, that I couldn't (shouldn't). I started walking in fall of 2010, but gradually I made it to running(ok, plodding, jogging...PENGUIN STYLE). Evidently, slow runners are called Penguins...lol

So it took me 6 years to lose 100 lbs, but the best part that I'm MOST PSYCHED about, is the fact that I've lost 50 of that since January, 2010. It is June 2, 2011, and have hit both milestones...all at once! 100 lbs in six years, AND, 50 of that in 1 1/2 years! I'm not done though, not by a longshot.

This is funny, I didn't think I had anything to write about!

Connie (ZUMBARUNNER)