Facing Demons

It's summer! Time for pools, swimming suits, flip flops...and all the bad memories that come with all that summer has to offer.

My nieces are visiting grandma and papa this week, and one of the activities is, of course, swimming lessons. Now this is all fine and good, but it's at the same pool where I used to go as a kid, most summers until the fifth grade.

I was always the fat kid, my whole life. Even as a fat kid you want to do the same things everyone else does, especially going to the pool. That ended for me the summer after fifth grade I was walking along the side of the pool when someone pointed and laughed at me because I was fat. That was close to 30 years ago. I can probably count on one hand how many times I've been to ANY pool since then. I used to love swimming. I even raised the most money for a "Swim for Heart" fundraiser when I was a kid.

Yesterday, I helped take my nieces to the same pool. Even now that I'm 30 years older, I've lost 100 pounds, can now run 13 miles, have somewhat of a figure now, I could still see the pointing and hear the laughter, the voice of childhood barbs lashing out at me. I heard them before leaving the house, but they were also distinct while walking alongside the pool.

I heard the voices, but now knew that I was there in a different capacity; to spend time with my nieces, and while I'm still fighting image demons, spending time with my nieces at the pool is way more important.

The voices are still in my head, and may still keep me from hitting the pool, but at least for one day, they were silenced a bit.