Accountability

Accountability.

You would think it wouldn't be too hard to keep status quo on something you've been doing for the past two years, but it is. Once you fall off the wagon, it's hard to get back on.

I've been falling off all summer. It's my own fault, I admit it. I've been eating again. It's been easy to hit the drive thru's in junk food alley, hit the ice cream, put that crap in my mouth, lose focus on the ultimate goal of weightloss and fitness, cut back on my discipline at the gym, and ultimately undo everything I've done to get where I am today.

There's hundreds of excuses, but no real reasons why I'm sabotaging myself. A huge part of me feels guilty because I've had people tell me I inspire them to lose weight, but a small part of me says "it's ok...you're allowed to eat what you want again, because you've earned it. You're maintaining now, you'll be ok". That's not true, and I'll admit it.

I'm struggling. I'm an emotional eater. I'm sabotaging myself. I'm making mistakes. I haven't been holding myself accountable. So what now?

I'm still exercising daily, I've gotten back to drinking 2 liters of water (most days), and I'm challenging myself to get back on track during the worst possible time...vacation. Yup! Vacation (with the family, even) starts on Thursday, complete with a long road trip, tons of wedding festivities, and seeing old friends. Am I a glutton for punishment? Admittedly so! Am I setting myself up for disaster? Definitely!

Herein lies the challenge. I come from a family of eaters. We celebrate with food. We stop frequently for "cool ones" (ice cream or pop). We eat every three or four hours. I also eat when I drive so I can stay awake. Up until this summer have I been able to resist most of this, but since I've bowed to my weaknesses this summer, it'll take all I have in me to get back on the right path again.

This whole time during my journey I've been afraid of undoing all I've done. I'm now staring at it square in the face, and not liking what I'm seeing. It's clearly an inner battle with Fat Connie, and the gloves are off again. THANKFULLY, I've been maintaining my weight this whole summer...WHEW!

The time may come soon where I'll ask for help to keep me accountable, but for right now, I'm the only one that can do it. It's up to me!

This will clearly be a big challenge for me, so supporters, keep supporting me, and those I've inspired, don't give up on me (or yourselves) just yet. I'll get to my second goal (and final) goal of 150, it just might take a little extra time.

Today's exercise...1/2 hour Zumba.

Zumbarunner...Whether shaking it or running it, I'll cross the finish line!